So Sunday Eli we went to church for the first time since Eli was born. I had been wanting to go for quite some time, but have always had the excuse of being tired, busy or just not feeling "church like". I have a faith in God for sure and still don't find it necessary to attend church to believe in God...but let's just say that when you are really seeking the Lord you want to do everything to be closer to Him. I have found that lately my heart is really seeking Him.
I know that the Lord says we all fall short of the glory of God and I certainly do. I don't beat myself up about it, but I know that He has never turned his back on me --although, I continually seem to do that to Him. I find myself needing him in trials or times of hurt...which shows me that I need him, period.
And I always feel like the pastor is talking just to me! The service was about forgiveness and not holding a "root of bitterness" against anyone, including yourself because it keeps us from the grace of God. Bitterness is like drinking the poison yourself and expecting it to kill the person you are bitter towards. I don't really have a bitterness towards anyone, just a desire to separate myself from those that are negative in my life. I feel like I possess a really forgiving quality...but the part that resonated with me was that any bitterness or negativity in your life can keep you from having a sincere relationship with the Lord. I know I often let negativity or bad moods creep into my day and take over. I become someone I am not happy to be and "dwell" on things instead of the Lord.
I felt a peace and a relief that my life is not in my control and all I have to do is surrender to Him and He will place me where He needs.