|Taken in very low light without a flash. High ISO 5000, SS 160 F/stop 5.6|
Not keen on the grain that high ISO offers, but had to capture this moment as natural as possible, without a flash.
It isn't til the end of a long day and I am kissing him goodnight that I realize how many ways I could have parented differently that day, like a ping of regret that I didn't get it exactly right. I make excuses like, "that laundry had to get done, there was no time for this or that"..
But really, there always is.
In my head what I can accomplish daily tells a lot of my self worth. How many dishes I can do, loads of laundry, errands run...etc. I tend to feel that I wasn't good enough that day if my "list" still has things on it.
And in that obsession, lose sight of what might be really needing attention. Do you ever do that?
Today, we (I) slowed it down, made all the meals from leftovers from past nights, let lists collect dust and spent the good portion of the day in pajamas and a messy bun. Amazing how that moment of clarity and decision not to do things made the day feel like it had more possibilities...because sometimes, the only "to do" list that needs accomplishing is being a doting parent.
Because really, who wants to miss moments like the above?--My boy sitting in our window seat admiring the last bit of sun left over from a long day of playing trains, hide and seek and doing art activities.
And no, I can't always let things go like today, but it certainly made me rethink what should be giving me so much self worth. His smile and enthusiasm to spend so much quality time with me showed me that is where it is at. If I can get that right, well...that is saying a lot about me!
What's consuming your time? Is it getting in the way of what's really important?