Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Dear Eli

Dear Eli,

Sometimes, I am reminded when I look at you that you won't always be my little boy. I can often take for granted how much you want my attention and are eager to play with me. You have such a beautiful heart and spirit. I know sometimes I tend to brush you aside and it seems like I am too busy. The truth is I am so busy trying to make a perfect life for you that I often overlook the most important things like playing cars on the sofa or enjoying a movie with you.

The best day of my life was welcoming you into the world. You were 7lbs 3oz of perfection. When you came out, you didn't cry right away and one of your arms was limp from such a rigorous labor. You had a cry that made everyone else want to too! You sounded just like a baby bird and for weeks that is what I called you. You needed me every second of the day and hated to be on your own. You still do. I can't shut the door or leave the room without you in a panic. But know that I would never leave you behind. Just like when you were a baby I made every effort to make you feel at ease that you were not alone.

You were anticipated a long while before you even existed. I knew in my heart I always wanted to be a mom to you. I pictured all the fun things we would do together and watching you grow. I have taken more photographs than is probably necessary, often getting lost behind the lens instead of in the moment. I am sorry if you ever feel like I am not there for you or fully appreciating you. When I tuck you in at night I think of all the ways I could have been better. The most amazing thing is you never hold it against me. Each day you let me start over and be better, never holding on to anything the day before.

I am amazed at how you've taken on the role of big brother. Sometimes you're not as gentle as you should be, but your intentions are sweet. You don't like it when he cries and I love that you come get me to let me know. I know you just want to hold him and take care of him, and someday you will get to. I know you will be his protector and best friend. I can't wait to see all the things you teach him!

You've become quite the daddy's boy lately. It has surprised me since for so long you were attached to only me. I love that you jump down the stairs as fast as you can to greet him. I love that you adore fire trucks just because he works on one. I love that you want to wear after shave because he does. I love that you snuggle as tightly with him now as you did with me when you were my nursie baby. I love how you eagerly get your toys out for you and him to play with. I love that you tell him he's not allowed to go work anymore and has to stay and play all day long with you.

So, Eli, thank you for being you. Thank you for your lightheartedness, your eager attitude and love of life. Thank you for constantly reminding me that my most important role in life is being your mom. I may not be perfect but I love you more than words could ever describe. I hope you make your way into the world, loving life, the Lord and knowing how much you mean to your dad and I.


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